Peace Cannot be Kept by Force

So. I’ve just come off of the last (last? Yeah right!) rewrite of Shrapnel and delivered it to my copy editor yesterday afternoon. It is out of my hands. Again!

I searched far and wide for different copy writers that would be able to do this for me I’ve finally found “the one” with just the right personality and is enthusiastic about the book. I also needed them to do a bit of research too, which apparently is part of the job. I needed them to do it in the time crunch and at the price I was able to pay. All that was hard, but I am a determined person…even when depressed. Ha! I didn’t even think I was looking for someone of the male persuasion, but I’m not that set in my ways. His name is Michael Wilde and I he’s a good egg. He’s also worked a bit with Myla Goldberg before, and I really loved her novel Bee Season. To me, that was like a sign.

Wilde is going to help me cut the book down too. That’s his specialty. He’ll do it without taking away my voice or the important bits. In this last pass I was able to cut it from 189K t0 175K words, and it felt like a better book in the end. Over all, I feel like, every time I make a new pass at it, it becomes more and more the true book I want to write.

This last time, even though I said I was just going to brush through it — let’s face it, that can’t actually be done. You have to get your nose deep up in there. Well good thing I was in deep because this time through, I was able to learn more about me and everyone involved, and, if this makes any sense, I even feel closer to myself.

I’ll be getting the manuscript back sometime before September and the National Arts and Disability Center / California Arts Council as well as the National Endowment for the Arts were nice enough to aid in paying for the copy editing on this phase of book making path.

Anyway, when all is said and done. Being finished with it (for now, that is. Remember, I still have to accept/reject changes in September), I am feeling something new. I wonder if it’s peace?┬áIt could be peace. It’s not just about getting into a relaxing routine and healing mentally, but it’s regarding the book itself — which is my story after all.

The whole quote, by Albert Einstein, if you don’t know it, is:

“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”

I really love this quote, especially how it is the most realistic one that stands out among all the other inspirational quotes — you know those sayings with all that fairy dust and about how peace and love coincide with forgiveness? Not realistic. But I”ll definitely attest to gaining a ton of understanding from writing Shrapnel. Not just for my crazy family, or the people that have hurt me in someway, but I now have a much better understanding of myself. I didn’t think I’d ever see that one coming.

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2 thoughts on “Peace Cannot be Kept by Force

  1. Catherine Ruane July 14, 2017 / 11:07 pm

    For the past few days all I have been doing is reading your blog and appreciating your honesty and search for “peace”. Truly I have. I’m guessing this may never get read but in case it does I am the artists who participated in the Made in Mojave Show at MOAH with you. I sort of feel with are connected in an art-way. I respect your written comments about feelings and worries/anxieties about your art opening receptions as I too feel similar worries, insecurities, and foreboding. I keep trying to intellectualize the discomfort I feel EVERY time but never really know why. Just don’t think I am “good enough”……is my guess. Too many of us seem to have that sort of doubt. Critical parenting and all that ya-de-yah lives on a long time! So thank you for your honesty and willingness to share fears. Maybe we artists have that in common.

    • Carol Es July 15, 2017 / 12:59 am

      Hi Catherine! Of course I know who you are and of course I will read everything that people post here. Well, sometimes it gets sent to my spam folder, that’s true. Other times, I read everything and don’t answer everything but not to be an asshole. I’m just a weirdo.

      Thank you for this comment because it makes me feel like I’m not just taking the risk of putting myself out there for no good reason. It’s nice to know I am resonating with someone. It makes it all worth it. In the art world you really have to steel yourself against a lot of things that – as sensitive people artists sometimes are – can be devastating. On one hand it can give you the thick skin you need. Other times it might hit you out of nowhere when your armor is down that you’re wounded. It’s a very hard world to navigate through and I wouldn’t wish it on a rabid dog. I’ve wanted out of it for a while, but I’m trying to figure out how to slow it down and work with “it” on my own terms.

      All that being said, there is some art out there that must exist – like yours! I hate that socializing goes with the job. And I regret not just pushing through the crowd and introducing myself to you. I didn’t have the wits that night. I usually don’t. But of course I am connected to you through your work already and now, even more so. When do you deinstall?

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