Happiness or Satisfaction

It’s too late for everyone not to think I am crazy, so I’ll just go ahead and announce that I have been rewriting the whole book. Yeah, there, I said it.

I had to to. Why? Because I wasn’t quite happy with it. I’m happy with the query letter though. But the book, I should have been finishing it when I wasn’t so depressed. I’m still in a bad funk and all, but I’ve been working on it intermittently throughout the day, whenever I feel a “lift.” If I start feeling bad, I’ll either do something else, or skip those parts that have been upsetting since it’s essentially already written.

I’m working on specific things anyway: people’s names, nicknames, shortening, yet bringing parts back in instead of cutting. I’m switching a couple chapters around, gluing some together as one, and un-naming people — that’s been a real trick. Sometimes you have to “ghost” people. I have no idea if that is what it’s really called, but I have so many, many people in the book that I have to remove their presence completely. Certain things that happened now need to have happen with two other people instead of three. The third might not be significant to the rest of the book/story and the reader has enough to try to remember. Make sense?

Well for example, if I stole alcohol from a corner store with Jackie, Casper, Keisha, and Eden, I’m changing the story to stealing the booze with just Jackie and Casper because I don’t talk about Eden and Keisha anywhere else in the book. They just become “a couple other girls” and the reader doesn’t have to worry about it.

Because I didn’t write this book for a reader. This is why I find myself going back over and over and making so many goddamn changes.

Now I’m on the last 80 pages, or thereabouts. I could be done by the end of the week. Then, it goes to a new mystery editor. He’ll probably take a while with it, but after that, I’ll review it and will go back to shopping it again. But overall, I’m going for happiness or at least satisfaction.

Author: Carol Es

was born, now here. will die.

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