Minimal Worry

Once I gave my manuscript to Lisa, it was a bit difficult to know what I’d be doing with my time, or how I was going to be able to “let go” of the book for a while. I haven’t been ready to go back to painting. And I also felt like I was still on meth.

Questions were still swirling around in my head: Is it any good? Is it anything we can even work with? Is it absolutely horrible? Can I even write? Had I wasted my time? I felt like I needed these answers from Lisa immediately. But I did my very best to hide my enthusiasm, my obsessive behavior, my hooded psychosis really. She could feel it oozing off of me anyway though. I’m not a very good pretender after all.

We agreed, she’d “check in” at a good place, sometime by the 10th chapter, perhaps even sooner if she wanted to. But that was all I asked. I only wanted to know if it had the potential to be something good – and I wanted an honest answer. She told me she would not spare my feelings and I was relieved to know this. I needed the truth.

In the meantime, she prescribed that I get some distance from the book. Take a “vacation” from it. Not sure if that’s entirely possible for me though. I’m not going to be working on the actual book or anything. I have not opened the file. But, I am looking forward to writing in this blog, and expressing myself in general – most likely on the keyboard.

Also, I did happen to edit down Little Pieces of Eight into a short story called Maybe Magic Things, but I had planned on doing that for a long time. I’d already leaked that out onto Carol’s Bloggie early this year as a rough draft. I wanted to put life into it as a stand-alone piece. I was going to send it out to literary magazines, but then I decided that I’m just going to put it on this website in short stories.

In any case, the big “NEWS” here is that I got a pretty wonderful email from Lisa last night. She finally “checked in.” I have to quote some parts of her email because they are too good not to:

“You may not believe me when I tell you that I am so very impressed with your writing in this book. You pull off the trickiest of things, which is to befriend the reader and pull them into the journey with both passion and compassion…

“Your voice, your tone, your pace in each chapter so far is magnificent!”

Of course, she said a lot more, which more so pertained to the ton of work I still need to do on it moving forward after she’s done with her part – but this was the feedback I really needed to hear to feel that sense of relief. Not just relief, but feel proud of myself, I guess. Okay, not exactly “proud either,” but like I did a good job. That being so thoughtful during my process was all worth it.

We all just want to be seen.

Author: Carol Es

was born, now here. will die.

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