I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in

I’m filling the cracks that ran through the door and kept my mind from wandering where it will go, which is another way to say that I think I’m done with messing with the book file, yet…

I seem to continually open it up and add something or another. Just a few lines. Things I had originally cut out, I am now putting back in. I have the luxury of doing this until the editor removes the file from Dropbox, and that hasn’t happened yet.

But I just can’t help it. I’ll remember bits and pieces of my life and stick ’em in there. I guess I will never be finished with this book. It’s just that I’ll think about something and it will hit me out of the blue — Bam! Why isn’t that in the book?! Wouldn’t people want to know that someone almost killed me with an ax-hammer? Or about how I got mugged in Florence by three Gypsy kids? I keep forgetting this stuff. Then I think it should probably be mentioned.

However, I could keep thinking of more stuff, and more, and more still. It could seriously never end! I have a million books in me! Because, yes, I have lived a million stories. I have at least lived hundreds. But shouldn’t I just leave it alone already? I feel like one of those artists that say how a painting is never really “finished.” I hate it when those artists say that. I never understand those hippy-dippy artists. They usually live in Berkeley, or have taken a lot of acid, or just don’t like to finish things.

Re-writing, editing over and over, it’s not like a painting so much as it’s like music. You can always make it better. You can always remaster what you’ve played, or you can go back and re-record the whole song. You can throw that song out and record a different song, a better one. If it’s your first impression out into the world, it’s fucking nervewracking! You want to get it “right” and you do not know what “right” is. You can only rely on yourself.

In other news, I have added another short story here, which debuted on Two Drops of Ink some weeks ago.

Author: Carol Es

was born, now here. will die.

2 thoughts on “I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in”

  1. Hi Scott! Thank you so much for that. I was just roaming around Two Drops and one of your blogs as well. I also was at Marilyn’s too. You both have been really supportive of me and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I still struggle with confidence about writing. I wish I had the same kind as I have for art or had for music. But it’s getting better – it’s that three steps forward, two steps back thing.

    I’m close to just leaving the book alone and considering starting something else perhaps. Maybe that will get me to stop the obsessing on Shrapnel. Although, I’m a bit apprehensive about fiction. But I’m going to try it in the first person because I think it will probably read better for my style.

  2. I love your stories Carol, and so does out audience at Two Drops. Keep pluggin’ man, books are an endeavor that can be a real ass kicker – but in the end, it’s so worth it when your words touch others’ lives. 🙂
    Scott

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